You are my home, you are my everything when I feel so alone...

Man.  Life has this way of throwing these little sucky things at you that make you sort of irritated and angry, and I don't like it.  Sometimes life does stupid stuff.  I think it just likes to poke at you until you jump on it and beat it up and show it who's boss.  Or something.  I don't really know what I'm talking about. *laugh*

Tomorrow is my birthday!  I'm so excited.  I got some clothes today as a present from Mom and Dad.  Some really sweet clothes, too.  An awesome shirt that looks like a football jersey and has a sparkly 17 on it (I could say things here that would make me and Mom laugh, but I'm not going to) since I'll be seventeen, and a hoodie and some lounge pants.  The comfiest hoodie and lounge pants you ever wore.  Since hoodie isn't really a word, I'm conflicted as to whether it's spelled "hoodie" or "hoody", but I think it's -ie.  Since it's not real it probably doesn't matter.

Tomorrow we're skipping Sunday School again.  Muahahahahahaha.  Take that, holiday spirit!

Okay.  I have to go sleep.  No sleeping in until noon tomorrow.

Mara Tenille the birthday butterfly

This is the last song, so everybody sing along...

Hello!  I hope everyone's Christmases were lovely.   I had fun.  I got some amazing presents, too.  My preamp included.  It's amazing. I love it.  Definitely spiffy.  I also got some CDs (Geoff Moore and the Distance - Evolution, UnderOath - We're Only Chasing Safety, and TFK - The Flame In All Of Us) and some really cool charms for my Italian charm bracelet and some cute shirts.  Yep. Lots of other stuff, too, but I'm not going to try and remember all of it.  It would take a long time.

Today Madeline and Eli are spending the night.  Woohoo!  My cousins are the greatest.  They make me giggle.

On Christmas Eve Madeline heard Santa for the first time.  She said she'd stay up and listen to see if she could hear him, so she cleverly pretended to be asleep so he wouldn't skip her house.  She called me to let me know.

Four days until my birthday!!!

Alright.  I think I'm going to go shower now.  I like being clean.

Lurve,
Marae

Clap your hands, all ye children...

I finished my hat!  It's pretty awesome. I'm even wearing it right now.  It's a nice red beret with a pom-pom on it.  I like it.  And it's even the first thing I've ever finished.  Soyes.  I'm pretty excited about that.

 

45 more minutes and I'm done with Digital Communication forever.  That's sort of sad, but sort of not.

 

What song should I sing for Christmas Eve?

 

Today I slept in until 8:15.  It was glorious.  Tomorrow, though, I have to be at school at 8.  That will not be glorious.

 

Last night me and Leo went to the band concert.  It was nice.  Leo's favorite was the Jazz band.  They were pretty good.  It was fun to watch.

 

37 more minutes until I can go home!

 

Yep.  I guess that's it.

 

Mara Tenille

I just wanted to be sure of you...

That is not a line from a song.  It's a short sentence from an A. A. Milne quote.  Here, I'll show you:

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
"Pooh!" he whispered.
"Yes Piglet?"
"Nothing" said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. I just wanted to be sure of you."

A. A. Milne

In other news, I am clean now.  I smell like that weird cotton flavoured body wash stuff though.  I don't like that smell.  *lotion*

Sorry I've been so bad at blogging lately.  Life is busy and such.  Lately, I've been reading Emma by Jane Austen.  I like it.  Peter Pan is still my favorite Brit Lit book thus far.

If I could put guitar/drum/vocal/piano riffs as my blog title, I would probably do that just as often as I put lyrics.

Sunday night is the children's program at church.  I'm in it.  I have a nice non-speaking mime... I mean drama.  I was told that it's not a mime, even though it's silent.  It's sort of not, I guess, since we're using real props most of the time.  But still.  I want to call it a mime.

I brought the bootleg Mayday Parade CD for Andrew after I forgot a billion times, and then forgot it in my purse.  Grrrrr.

Oh!  Here's a list of CDs I want, in no particular order:

Legacy Between by Transistor Radio
Live Like We're Alive by Nevertheless
Letters to the President by Hawk Nelson
Flyleaf by... you guessed it... Flyleaf
The Weak's End by Emery
Let It Snow, Baby... Let it Reindeer by Relient K
Blueprints for the Black Market by Anberlin
Hello, Good Friend by The Rocket Summer
How to Save a Life by The Fray
Lifehouse  and Who We Are by Lifehouse
All Gas. No Brake. by Stellar Kart
They're Only Chasing Safety by Underoath

That's all I've got for the moment.  I'll probably think of more.  For now, I should go get ready to watch some basketball.

Sincerely,
Mara

Fight all the while, fight 'til I think I'm free...

I wish I could fix everything.  If I could, I swear it would probably kill me.  There are literally things I would die to be able to fix.  Probably things that aren't even worth dying for.  I'm a fixer.  I want to just get it worked out and keep everyone happy and for no one to be hurt or be angry or mistreated or lonely.  I want to fix everyone's hearts so they never hurt the ones I love, and I want to fix the ones I love so they see how much I do, in fact, love them.  I want the world to understand the way I do right now, and I want to fix the world so that it's better at showing it than I've ever been.  I want to make everything else into everything I wish I was.  That truly sums it up.  I want the guy who said something stupid today to understand why it doesn't matter.  I want the girl that I wish liked me more to realize that I'm not stuck up, I just don't know how to talk to people, and that she intimidates me because she does.  I want the boy I never knew to come back home, because it's unfair that he had to go, and because in the world I wish this was dreams don't shatter into a million pieces, like they seem to here.  I want the girl with the disabilities to know that I would take it all on for her in a heartbeat, and that she's never alone.  I want the boy who judges everyone based just on what he sees to realize that I hear everything he says and I don't believe a word, because he doesn't know them any more than he knows me.  I want the one who never doubted me to stop doubting himself, because I believe in him.  I want my belief in him and in others to be enough, to be satisfactory.  I want the full to feed the hungry, and the hungry to love the rich, and the rich to love the lonely, and the lonely to befriend their enemies, and those that misunderstand to try to get it, and the misunderstood to realize that it's okay, because they are valued despite their state of being unknown.  I want to solve the world's problems, paint over all the flaws and plaster over the rough edges.  I want to make everything else into everything I wish I was.

Sincerely,
Butterfly

I will teach you to be stronger...

Today was sort of weird.  I sort of say that a lot, but I don't really want to specify, due to the public nature of posting things online and such, so you'll have to suck it up I guess.

Yesterday I got asked (for the first time, even) what I wanted for my birthday.  At the time, I couldn't think of anything, which was sort of astonishing to me, because I always want stuff.  I really should want stuff less.  Usually, if I say I want something randomly, I don't really want it, it just looks cool at the moment.  But sometimes, when I say I want something long enough, you know I actually do want it.  Either way, I decided to come up with a list of things I actually would enjoy having, just because I can.  Seriously though, when it gets down to it, there isn't much that I want.  I'm not that materialistic, I don't think.  I try not to be, at least.

Anyway.  Birthday list:

A sewing machine
Knitting stuff is always a plus
Scrapbooking stuff
Pretty notebooks
Cool hoodies
I like hats
Any number of awesome CDs

Ummmmmm... sure, that'll cut it.  There are always other things.  Like that box with phantom power that I can plug in to my computer and record with.  That would be neat.  Or like that uber cute sweater at Target.  Or like all the absurd amounts of cute earrings and rings.  You can't go wrong with lotion, either.  I love lotions.  See?  There's always more stuff.  But it's just all stuff, you know?  Like, it doesn't really matter.  I don't care that much about getting stuff.  If I didn't get anything at all I would survive and not be scarred for life, or even until my 18th birthday.  If everyone were just happy and loved each other the way they're supposed to, it would be a better birthday than if I got every material thing I could ask for.  Seriously.  I don't say that to be cheesy, it's just the truth. *shrug*

Mayday Parade is sort of depressing and sort of lame sometimes, but sometimes, they're pretty cool.  I decided that just now as I was listening to the emo depressing breakup song on their album.  It's seriously a really sad breakup song.

It's cold down here.  Why are basements always colder than the rest of the house?  Grrrr.

Alright.  Thus ends the blog post.

Sincerely,
Marae

I'll take care of you, have faith that when you call my name I'll be there...

I really want to bring soup and hot chocolate to all the sick people.  I am sad for them.  I don't like how everyone is sick.  I also don't like how the roads are icy.  There is ice everywhere.

So, the new Chicken Shed opened today.  I wonder how it's going.  I'm excited for them.  The shop is really cute, and I think it's going to be really nice.

Facebook applications are so dumb, but they're hilarious.

I really want to learn to play Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape on guitar.  I'm going to try.

I guess this is going to be a short blog.

Mara

I am the eyes inside of you...

So.  This is a nice short blog post just to tell you all sorts of nothingness and so that the last post doesn't sit long enough that people start to think it through too much.  Today I went to the varsity basketball games, which were good.  Both the girls and boys dominated, which is fun.  I think it will be a good season.  I also amazingly caught one of the t-shirts that the cheerleaders throw for 3 pointers.  I never catch anything, so this is a big deal.  I'm wearing it right now, because it makes a nice pajama top.  Work was fine, I basically just did random things.  I think the website is really truly almost done.  I need to redesign this form thing for Gabe before I forget about it.  I think I'll try and do that now.

Love,
Mara

Hey ungraceful, I will teach you to forgive one another...

Sometimes I blog about nothing.  Sometimes I blog about insignificant things.  And sometimes, if you're lucky, I blog about things that matter to me.  Congratulations.  It's your lucky day.

 

So.  Tonight, as I listen to my current favorite UnderOath song (featuring the Copeland guy... it just doesn't get much better than that) and wishing I had a hot cappuccino and a scone (if I had the option, I would sit at Cafe Diem with a laptop at all hours of the day), I'm pondering the sorts of things that one might usually ponder when away from home while listening to awesome music and drinking coffee. (I'm not really drinking coffee, but I wish I was.  That has to count for something, right?)  I had hoped to sign on to Windows Live and be greeted by a couple different names all green and lit up and ready to talk, and I wasn't.  I had also hoped that it wouldn't be so late as it ended up being when I signed on, but due to the recent death of my watch (it died young.  Hopefully it just needs a battery, but we'll see.) and the fact that I'm eagerly trying to complete my recent endeavor of knitting a burgundy beret, it wasn't until 10:15 that I got online.  So what did I do?  I pulled up GMail to start an email to my blog.

 

It's funny how sometimes people say things or do things that aren't what you want them to do.  Like, when someone says something and it's not exactly what you wanted to hear, or when someone doesn't say something you wish they'd said, or when someone does something without realizing that you're going to see things about it that they might not have thought about.  Like, if your friend were to tell you she likes this guy, and it turns out to be the guy you've secretly been madly in love with since birth, except less ridiculous sounding.  The feeling is what I'm trying to get at.  Like, she didn't do anything wrong by liking the guy, and she has every right to do that, but it still feels weird.  Or like when you really want someone to say they missed you when you've been gone for a long time (or even for a short time), and they don't really say anything, or they don't say it the way you would have liked them to.  Or like when you give someone a gift and you're really excited about it, and they end up being less enthusiastic than you had imagined.  It's such an odd feeling.  It's a painful feeling, but it feels like it shouldn't be painful, so you try to pretend it isn't, and it just throbs.  It's humiliating almost, and it makes you want to go crawl into a hole or something.  You feel foolish.  Foolish for expecting things out of people that didn't end up happening or that were unreasonable or that weren't necessary, or for the fact that you're feelings are hurt and it's not anyone's fault.  Sometimes that happens, where you get hurt and no one is really to blame.  That's always sort of hard for me, because it's easier to blame someone else and then just forgive them and be done with it, but if it's no one's fault (not even my own) that means that there's something I'm going to have to cope with, and that there are feelings I'm going to have to identify with, and that's hard.  So what do you do when someone does something, or doesn't do something, and it hurts?  What if it isn't their fault?  What if it's not really something they could have helped, or they just didn't know better?  It makes everything so much more complicated.

 

I miss my friends.  I can't wait to come home.  Five days is a lot more than it sounds like.

 

Sincerely,

Mara Tenille

The Butterfly Child

Are you who you want to be...

I'm happy.

 

Today we got lost looking for an Amish grocery store.  The store ended up being sort of funny, and cheap, but it took us forever to find.  We got lots of candy and some cereal bars and other random stuff.

 

Stallions Versus Unicorns is a great band.  I really like them.  One of these days I'm going to get their CD and rock out to it in my room and dance around like the loopy teenage girl that I am.  I mean, *cough* I don't dance.

 

I'm knitting a beret.  I had to start over today because I dropped a stitch, and that was really depressing, but I'm almost all caught up now, so it's not that big a deal.  It's been knitting up really fast, which is nice.  I've never actually finished any of my knitting projects, so if this hat works out it'll be a pretty big step for me. *laugh*

 

Today I added some people on Facebook that I haven't talked to in a long time.  It's sort of a weird feeling, to see pictures of people that you used to know.

 

Guys shouldn't wear colored eyeshadow with penciled in girly eyebrows. *shudder*

 

I guess that's all.

 

Sincerely,

Mara Tenille

My Seventeen magazine tells me that you're in love...

Random song line.  Hooray.

 

Today, being Thanksgiving, I ate a lot of food.  And I continue to eat food as soon as I'm no longer full.  It's rather pathetic.  I like food, but at the same time, I mean, come on, think of all the junk I've eaten!  But it was some really tasty junk.  And this kind of tastiness only happens once a year.  So I guess it's worth it.

 

I type really loud.  I wonder why that is.  Seriously, it's so much louder when I type than when everyone else types.  It's sort of annoying.  I wish I typed like all the normal people and wasn't so obnoxious.

 

So, Wisonsin is being nice.  I haven't gone outside since we got here, so I can't really talk about the weather, because I don't know what it's like.  I'm not sure what we're doing tomorrow, since absolutely nothing has been planned, so that sort of kills that train of thought.  I could talk about what I did today, but I already covered the obscene amount of food I ate and that's really all that happened.  We did watch Christmas with the Kranks (is that how it's spelled?) on TV.  That was sort of fun.  We watched Hannah Montana for a little bit too.  That made me laugh.  It was sort of a random and uneventful day, really.  Not that that's bad.  I don't mind necessarily.  But too many days like that and I get all antsy and that's just bad news all around.

 

Alright.  Now, I'm going to go and sit around some more.

 

Sincerely,

Mara Tenille

They're singing 'deck the halls', but it's not like Christmas at all...

I have Christmas music stuck in my head.  Not that that's bad or anything, but anytime you have a song stuck in your head it tends to seem annoying whether or not it really is.  I like Christmas music.

 

Today we're leaving for Wisconsin.  I haven't packed anything yet, so that'll pretty much consume my afternoon. 

 

Okay, sorry this is so short, but I have to go now.  Bell's going to ring.

 

Mara

Put back the stars, I'm out of place tonight...

I think I'm going to work really hard and try and figure out the chords for Some Will Seek Forgiveness.  That song is seriously amazing.  Everyone should hear it.

My playlist has been going all awry as of late.  That's no good.  I'll have to try and fix it someday.  It's really just not a very efficient system, but hey, it's free and legal, as far as I know.

You know what other song is good?  I Hated Prom by Transistor Radio.  I like it.  I'm listening to it right now, even.

I tried to write a song for maybe 5 minutes, and nothing happened.  Sorry guys.

I don't really care what movies we get in what order.  Sherlock Holmes would be fun to watch.  I'm glad Peter Pan is coming next, because I like that movie a lot.  I would own it.  That's another good Christmas/birthday present idea.

Adam, I don't really think you're stalking me.  I just didn't know who you were, and I like to talk randomly, and the combination of the two produced some random words that I spat out because that's just how I roll.

I'm going to put a line from a Blindside song as this blog's title, because Blindside is a good band.  I like them a lot.  I used to hate them, and then somewhere along the line I changed my mind, and now I think they're pretty awesome.

Some Ballard people are going to the show on Saturday.  That means I will maybe actually talk to some of them, since there won't be all sorts of schooly things making me feel weird about it.

I should go do more homework now. *sigh*

Mara the Butterfly

I saw one gaze frozen in time, watching me passing by...

I love this song.  I think I might be obsessed.  Not really, but this would be a good song to obsess over.

My new nail polishes rock.  They're really cool colors.  A light blue shiny one, a purple/brown multicolored amazing magical one, and a blue glitter one.  Yep.  Pretty nifty.

So, at our concert Saturday we're the only Christian band playing. (Oh, by the way, we have a concert on Saturday. *wink*)  They want us to share the gospel.  So, I'm like... sweeeeeet... but I have to write something awesome to say.  So, if you have a moment and you'd like to pray for us, that would be fantastic.  I'm really excited, but really nervous at the same time.

I feel like writing a song.  I think I'll go do that.

Mara Tenille

Hey unfaithful, I will teach you to be stronger...

thejoypirate!?  Who is you be, person?  I'm so confused!  Are you stalking me?  Because I definitely know people who could and would take you down.  Muahahahahahahaha.  I LIVE ON A WELL LIT STREET WITH LOTS OF DOGS THAT BARK WHEN PEOPLE COME BY AND MY PARENTS WATCH OUT THE WINDOWS FOR EVIL PEOPLE!  IT'S ALL TRUE!

Yeah.

So, youth group was really good.  The lesson was excellent.  I think there were people that really needed to hear it, so I'm excited to see what God does with it.

I am now proclaiming that the song Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape is incredible.  I love it.  I want to cover it.  But I have to convince Ben to scream.  Muahahahahahaha.  I bet he'd do it.  Actually I bet he won't, and I'd be shocked if he even considered it, but you know.  It's the thought that counts.  Or something.  It's an awesome song though.  Seriously.  Underoath is my hero.

I need sleep now.  Goodnight!

Mara the Butterfly

I'm somewhere in between what is real and just a dream...

I love this song.

The lock-in was fun.  I still don't like dodgeball.  Murderball was sort of fun.  I think it's a keeper.  I thought the rounds of Glowball were too long, but it really wasn't terrible.  I was only crabby for like, one or two out of the however many hours we were there, and I don't think I was mean to anyone.  The movie was good.  Yeah.  It was a pretty good lock-in.  I'm tired though.  I slept for four or five hours this afternoon, because I meant to only sleep for three so I set my alarm, and when it went off I hit the snooze once and that's all I remember until I woke up and it had been on.  I'm going to watch Transformers and then go to bed.  That sounds good.

Sincerely,
Mara the Butterfly Fairy Princess

Ballard high, Ballard high, fight, fight, fight!

That was a really short and somewhat pointless pep rally.  And now the school song is stuck in my head.

 

I'm really tired.  I slept horribly last night, for no apparent reason.  And my throat hurts and I'm thirsty.  Grrrrr.

 

I'm not feeling very fantastic about the lock in.  Not gonna lie.

 

Mrs. Ronca is giving us a crash course in Dreamweaver, which I spent half of last year using, so it's pretty boring.  It gives me time to blog though, which is good.  And, thus far, I don't have any homework.  Algebra is tedious and time consuming.

 

Gotta run!

 

Mara

A cloud moves in, rain falls, thunder strikes, and sunshine breaks through the clouds...

My Digital Communication grade went down. Grrrrrrr.  Stupid poster.

 

I'm awake.  That's a good thing, because last night we went to see Stardust at the dollar theatre really, really late.  Didn't get home until like, 1 in the morning.  Slept through my alarm.  But!  I'm awake now.  And later I get to go home and not fall asleep reading Frankenstein.  I'll be all caught up though.  That's good.

 

Next week is going to be weird, because of all the crazy scheduleness at school, and getting ready for the lock in.  The lock in ended up being planned so that I will be wearing my dress for a grand total of an hour, and then will either change or play dodgeball with it on.  There are like, three different versions of dodgeball that we're playing.  Strobelight Dodgeball, one other kind that I don't remember, and Glowball.  Not to mention all the similar games, like indoor murderball (I think this was the one that's sort of like steal the bacon), all the Wall Ball we'll probably end up playing, and I know there were more games involving balls that get thrown at people and running and dodging and blocking and throwing and blah.  I wish I liked games like that.  But honestly, six hours of getting stuff thrown at me and having to either run away or throw it back isn't exactly what I'd prefer to be doing.  I don't really know what I'd rather do, but still, I am not a dodgeball person.  It's not like it won't be any fun.  I'll play because everyone else is playing.  But that's probably the only real reason.  *shrug*  Oh well.  Not a big deal.

 

So, I'm sort of wondering if wearing my dress to the masquerade is even worth it.  Especailly since I'd have to either change after dinner or play dodgeball in it.  Playing dodgeball in it would probably ruin it, because it's too long and it drags on the ground.  Changing works, but that means I'm only wearing it for an hour.  Ugh.  I don't know what else I'd wear though.  Stupid dodgeball.

 

I'm not really in a very whiney mood, this is just where I tend to vent.  So you know.

 

Sincerely,

Mara Tenille

Grace is contagious when it gets out...

This time I picked them all out, rather than semi-shuffling them. Some of them are out of context. I don't really care. Some of them are also in funny fonts because of the copy and paste transition. I care more about that, but I'm too lazy to fix it. You can handle it, I'm sure.

You should all pick your songs too, because it would be fun to read. Do it, do it, do it!


Opening Credits:
Rude Awakening - Trevor McNevan

I'm just a pilot here
And things aren't always as they seem
Try a little bit harder now
Try a little bit harder than before

And I think that this might be the day that nobody
Nobody comes home
And I, it's supposed to be a great day for a rude awakening

Waking Up:
Up And Up - Relient K (this is the song that I wake up to every morning, actually)

Yesterday
Is not quite what it could've been
As were most of all the days before
But I swear today
With every breath I'm breathing in
I'll be trying to make it so much more

Cause it seems I get so hung up on
The history and what's gone wrong
And the hope of a new day
Is sometimes hard to see (what you see)
And though I'm finally catching onto it
And now the past is just a conduit
And the light there at the end is
Where I'll be

Cause I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
And I haven't given up
Given up on what
I know I'm capable of
And I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
Yeah there's nothing left to prove
Cause I'm just trying to be
A better version of me
For you
A better version of me
For you

First Day At School:
Alien Youth - Skillet

We're taking over the world
We're the Alien Youth
We're coming for your souls
We're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna
Shake the world
We're the Alien Youth
We're taking over, over, over
Alien Youth

Come on freaks let's go

Falling In Love:
For My Love - Bethany Dillon

Walk towards me
I want to hear
The heavens singing over you
When you breathe
And look at me
I want to be captured by you

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you'd fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

Ruby Park - Stallions Vs. Unicorns

Time Stops
He caught a glimpse of her face
They spin
At such a tranquil pace
She moves
In such delicate ways
...

I'm stuck in slow motion
The world is restless
This Hollywood moment
This night is endless
And in that red dress
She's beautiful

The Best Thing - Relient K (this is a long scene.)

Cause when I looked into your eyes
And you dared to stare right back
You should've said "Nice to meet you, I'm your other half"

This is the best thing
The best thing that could be happening
And I think you would agree
The best thing is that it's happening to you and me

Fight Song:
Put Back The Stars - Blindside

Put back the stars
I'm out of shape tonight
Pinhole black velvet
Navigation-skills got lost with the fading light
It was there not more then a second ago
Now what do you know, what i do know
Is just not good enough to make things right
Put back the stars
I'm out of place tonight

Ain't it something to know your lost

Breaking Up: (not that I plan on ever breaking up with anyone. IT'S FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT. [/flourish])
Love Affair - Copeland

In a flash a heart is slain.
You have to ask in all this pain
Was your heart too soft?
Was your love in vain?

Was your kiss too weak?
Were your eyes too tight?
And much too young to be in love.
Much too young to be in love.

Just let me run where I want to run.
Just let me love who I want.

Prom:
I Hated Prom - Transistor Radio

Take my hand and spin away with me
And listen to your heart pound
Fade into the background
We move across the floor
My hands around your waist
That glitter on your face
I know that you're an angel
I just can't see your wings tonight

Take a bow, this is the last dance, but you don't have to go
On this clear and starry night
This is it, this is our last chance to find out what it means
To live forever in this moment

Life:
The Thirst is Taking Over - Skillet

Hold me down, hold me down
Drip it on my tongue
And my convulsions stop
Thirst for love, thirst for your love
I could swallow your beauty whole

You alone are what my soul needs
You know the thirst is taking over
Hardly breathe, I'm in urgent need
You know the thirst is taking over

Mental Breakdown:
Suicide Baby - House of Heroes

I'm sorry that I never called

I can't lose you 'cause you're my only one
I can't lose you 'cause you're my own

I must be crazy
Never thought it would come to this
And maybe
It's suicide by small increments
Amazing
I'll admit that it's amazing
I cannot get my hands around it

So please come to your window
Been throwing rocks all night

Driving:
Staples - Relient K

Cause it hasn't been that long
since you almost hit the tree.
Cause it hasn't been that long
since you hit the pole because of speed.

Do you remember
the ambulance it took you there?
Do you remember
they cut your pants your favorite pair?
They shaved your head.
Where's all your hair.

The doctor said,
"We need some staples for his head."
The doctor said,
"Another foot you could be dead."
The doctor said,
"We need some staples for his head."
The doctor said,
"You should have took the bus instead."

All you could hear
was kachunk, kachunk, kachunk.
All you could hear
was the doctor putting staples in this punk.

Flashback:
Same Problem - Waking Ashland

The same problem, coming to haunt me again,
And I know it's taken the best of my head,
The same problem tears me to pieces inside,
And I'm left to wonder why...

Oh, why can't I move forward?
Oh, why does my mind wander?
Oh, why does my heart desire you?

Getting Back Together:
The Way I Feel - Sanctus Real

Take a look at yourself
Are you wondering how
It's gonna work out?
And there's a way to escape
What you think is your fate
But you say it's too late

And I can't escape the way you feel
'Cause it's the way I feel
And it's surreal
And I cannot change
The way it is
'Cause it's the life that you live
And it's so real
I'm missing you still

Wedding:
Inevitable - Anberlin

Do you remember when we were just kids
And cardboard boxes took us miles from what we would miss
Schoolyard conversations taken to heart
And laughter took the place of everything we knew we were not

I want to break every clock
The hands of time could never move again
We could stay in this moment for the rest of our lives
Is it over now?

I want to be your last first kiss that you'll ever have
I want to be your last first kiss

Birth of Child:
Beautiful Love - The Afters

Larger than the moon, my love for you
Worlds collide, as heaven pulls us through
The secret of the world is written in the stars
I'm carrying your heart in mine

What a beautiful smile
Can It stay for a while
On this beautiful night
We'll make everything right
My beautiful love

Maybe a greater thing will happen
Maybe all will see
Maybe our love will catch like fire
As it burns through me

Final Battle:
The Last Night - Skillet

This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be
The last night you'll spend alone
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go
I'm everything you need me to be

Death Scene:
Finest Hour - Matthew West

The king of contradictions strikes again
You said the last to cross the finish line will win
And the beggars will be millionaires someday
And the humble ones are gonna have their say

Well, all my friends are gone now
And all my money's gone now
And all my pride is gone now
And if what you say is true now

This will be my finest hour

Funeral Song:
How Long - Spoken

Rain is falling down all around me
I feel You on the air
Thunder speaks Your name
Ocean crashing down all around me
Sweeping me from the shore
The waves paint a picture of You
Love is falling down all around me

You're holding me so tight
Holding me to the sky

I know You are here
I feel You on the air

How long will the heavens cry out to You?
How long will creation speak Your name?

End Credits:
Angels in Chorus - Stellar Kart

I've lived in silence
Held on to you like
You were my
Private piece of truth
But everything's changing
'cause I can't contain
When there's a whole world
Waiting to hear your name

Angels in chorus
Join in my song
You are my glorious,
You are my God

Grace is contagious
When it gets out
Tears fall as my voice changes
Into a crowd
Together now

Hallelujah

I'm in love with things you cannot buy...

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...

Opening Credits:
Escalates - Falling Up

Waking Up:
Somewhere In Between - Lifehouse

First Day At School:
Cycle Down - Skillet

Falling In Love:
Holy - Nichole Nordeman

Fight Song:
Broken Heart - Falling Up

Breaking Up:
Choose the One Who Loves You More - Copeland

Prom:
In Love With the '80s (Pink Tux to the Prom) - Relient K (seriously.  I didn't even rig it this time.)

Life:
Control Freak - Copeland

Mental Breakdown:
Come Right Out And Say It - Relient K

Driving:
The Fight Song - Sanctus Real

Flashback:
Somebody Else's Song - Lifehouse

Getting Back Together:
When You Thought You'd Never Stand Out - Copeland

Wedding:
The City Lights - Umbrellas

Birth of Child:
Walking Downtown - Copeland (I listen to a lot of Copeland.  My shuffle likes it.)

Final Battle:
Exit Calypsan (Only In My Dreams) - Falling Up

Death Scene:
Whispers in the Dark - Skillet

Funeral Song:
On Fire - Switchfoot

End Credits:
Rumors - Waking Ashland

There cannot be a close second to you...

I gave Em her card yesterday.  It's hilarious.  On the front it says something about "Here's something you won't hear from anyone else..." and then you open it and it says "You smell purty" and it even talks.  So there's these two little guys going"  Oooooohhhh!  You smell gooooood!  Like fresh baked cookies!" and it's hysterical.  You should all go to WalMart and find it and listen to it.  It's the best.

 

I lost my cellphone and don't know where it went.  I hope it's just like, in the van or something, but I can't find it.  I'm going to ask at the 3C's in case someone turned it in or something, because it might have fallen out of my pocket there.  I hope I find it though, because that would definitely stink to lose.

 

I'm wearing my new knitted arm warmers from Claire's under my jacket.  They're warm.

 

I think I'm going to email Blinks about this year's battle of the bands and if they're having one.  If they don't, I'll be sad.  That was so much fun.

 

Sincerely,

Mara the butterfly

What has love become? It's not like we used to hear in those old songs...

Isn't it beautiful? *glee* I think I'm going to get it. There are several that I like, but this one is in first place so far. eBay has some that are really gorgeous. I want them all. They are lovely.

I wonder what other people will wear to the masquerade. I found some pretty neat Phantom of the Opera masks. They're pretty cool. That would be a pretty awesome mask to wear. And when we were at the Theatrical Shop the other day we found an awesome Batman mask. That would be cool too. You could do some really awesome stuff. I think Kacy is going to wear his blue disco suit. Jessica might go as Idea Girl. Kristin is just dressing up as far as I know. Other than that, I don't really know what people are doing. I think it'll be fun though. I'm really excited.

I need to recolor my playlist so it matches. It'll probably just be black. Black is cool, anyway.

I got Emily the best birthday card ever, and I can't tell you about it, because she might read this. I'm pretty sure she never reads this, but just in case, I have to keep my bases covered and stuff. It's the best card ever. It owns everyone else's cards. Seriously. It's hilarious. I'm excited about it. Hehehehe.

I wanted to make cookies today, and we have no vanilla. It was really sad. They would have been delicious.

Ohohoh! I finished Peter Pan today. I loved it. The end was the best. I now adore that book officially. I recommend it.

Well, I think I'll go finish Geometry now.

Mara the butterfly

She's an angel and she's got a song for singing...

Today was good. I got my mask to go with my dress for the masquerade ball. It sort of fits funny, so I hope it ends up fine. I'm going to try and make it work well, and if it doesn't come together, oh well.

My nails are buffed so they're all shiny. Hehehe. I like it.

I think I'm going to do some crunches now. *dies*

Marae

Who's gonna call on Sunday morning, who's gonna drive you home...

Today, being Wednesday, is my favorite day of the week.  After school, which ends at 10:30ish due to the early outness of the day, I will go home, read Peter Pan, eat some lunch, read Paradise Lost, do the homework that I probably won't have, sew the button onto the sleeve of my orange corduroy jacket, do more school because school never ends, go to Lighthouse, go to small group, and go home again.  And then I'll sleep for some hours, and then wake up, and then it will be tomorrow.

 

You know what's annoying?  I'm finished with all three projects that aren't due until Friday in this class.  It's sort of boring now.  And really, I can design way more awesome things at home because I can install new fonts and filters and brushes and stuff, and here I'm just stuck with the default Photoshop files.  Photoshop is a better program than GIMP, but it would rock way more if I owned it.  Someday when I'm rich I'll buy it and then use it and it'll be cool.  Or maybe I'll just work with GIMP forever, since really, GIMP serves my purpose just fine, and it's free.  Either way, I'm a pretty happy camper.  Can't really complain.  At least, not seriously.  I complain for no real reason with no real harsh feelings a lot of the time, and really don't complain about the things that really bother me.  It probably tends to get confusing for the people that know me.  Or maybe they know me so well that they realize that, and then it's all good, and no one is confused, and we can all be happy and understand each other.

 

My email inbox has 759 MB of stuff in it.  That's sort of a lot.  I have almost every email I ever got since back in the day when I got this email address.  Because I'm a packrat.  Muahahahaha.

 

Class is over in 10 minutes.  Hoorah.

 

I might redecorate this blog.  I'm kind of getting bored with it, but I still sort of like it, so I'm torn.  What colors should it be?  Maybe I should revert to the old templates so I can put a nifty one on it.  Or maybe I should just recolor it and then be happy with that.  Or maybe I'll leave it. Who knows?  I might try it and hate it and then change it back.

 

I really need to re-string Erick's guitar.  I should try and do that this afternoon.  Or tomorrow.  I don't think anything is happening tomorrow, so I should have time then.  Today might be really packed with stuff.  I forgot to ask Andrew if people are going to play tennis this afternoon, assuming it's still warmish and not windy.  I would like to play, because it's fun, even though I'm not very good at it.  So, hopefully that will work.

 

Four minutes.

 

Sincerely,

Mara Tenille

The Butterfly Child

I'll give until there's nothing else, give my life until it all runs out...

Today I worked a lot and had lots of fun and ate Cheetos and drank Mountain Dew and got paid lots of money.  It was good stuff.

I think that I am going to attempt to make my first ever buddy icon. Just because.  I even downloaded the dumb font that all buddy icons use.  I mean, if you can't beat them, join them, right?  Maybe it'll be a really awesome buddy icon. *shrug*

I am sort of sleepy, and will probably go to bed earlyish, especially since I have to be at school at 7:20 for prayer group.  I think, hopefully, people will actually come this time.  That would be nice.  Not that the group of four we had two weeks ago was bad by any means, but you know, the idea is that we're getting people involved.  Still.  It'll work.  Maybe it should be every Wednesday rather than every other.  That might make it easier to remember.  But I don't know if people would go for waking up that early that often.

School is kicking my butt.  I didn't do any crunches today.  I ate lots of Cheetos, too.  But you know what?  Cheetos > abs of steel.  Not that I ever had abs of steel, or ever will, or even care, but you know, whatever.  That's just how awesome Cheetos are.

I miss chocolate.

Mara Tenille the Butterfly

I guess you're the only one who will never change faces...

Only One by Lifehouse is a great song.  You should all go listen to it right now.

Today I did (and am still doing) school.  That's all.  Just school.  With the occasional break to make some orange juice and to do more crunches (if I don't end up with the best abs ever I'll be pretty ticked off at that yoga ball thing) and to eat food and whatnot.  But yes.  School.  And tomorrow I will work for probably most of the day, and tomorrow night I have speech, assuming I actually go.  I don't know if I'm going to for sure.  We'll see.  I really, really would like to.  I just don't think I have time.

So far I adore Peter Pan.  That book is amazing.  I love it a lot.  Maybe by the end of it it'll be my favorite book ever.

Mara

If you're my dream, please come true...

I've done too many crunches this week already.  It hurts to laugh.

 

Geometry test today.  That'll probably be okay.  I hope I don't blank like I did last time.  That would be so stupid.  It's not like it's a very hard class.

 

Algebra is easy.  I got 102% on my last test.  Extra credit is awesome.  I'm going to try and get my overall grade in Digital Communication above 100%.  That would rock.

 

I think I'm starting speech next week.  Not sure how I feel about that.  Choral reading sounds sort of boring, but sort of fun, and so I'm a bit torn.  I guess I can just drop if it's really stupid.  Hopefully it won't be though.  It would be nice to actually participate in something.

 

My fingernails have problems.  They're sort of short and ugly and some of them are cracked and they when I do actually let them get longish they're funny shaped.  Some people have really pretty fingernails.  I am not one of them.  But that's alright, because I have bigger priorities than my fingernails. *laugh*

 

I'm tired today.  Work wore me out yesterday.  You don't know how tiring typing stuff is until you have to do it for a really long time.  But that website is going to be pretty awesome.  I'll definitely link to it once it's done and up and everything.

 

Tonight is the last Ballard home game.  I think we're going.  Andy said he might come, and Andrew and Kacy might, and I don't know who else.  Then tomorrow is the church work day, which could go well or could go badly depending on how many people show up.  Like, if there are only six people it'll take hours and no one has fun, but if there are lots and lots of people, then it's fun because you get to actually work with them and it gets done way faster.  Faster is good.  I don't mind that at all.  Hahaha.  But yes.  That'll probably wear me out too.  And then Sunday night is the TobyMac/Thousand Foot Krutch/BarlowGirl concert, which will rock, but will also wear me out.  So basically, I'm going to be a very tired person by the time next week rolls around.

 

I am so behind in Brit Lit.  It's going to take forever to get caught up.  I really, really don't like how I can miss one day and feel completely overloaded.  Much less two or three, which is what I'm at now.  And Paradise Lost takes way too much mental energy for catching up to be even remotely easy.

 

Alright.  Class is almost over.  That means so is this blog.

 

Sincerely,

Mara Tenille

Surrender your love...

Savior  by Skillet has played on startup almost every time I've opened my blog today, which is a normally large amount of times.  So, usually when stuff like that happens, I try to find something sticky-outy in it and I ponder it for awhile to see if God's trying to tell me something.  The line in the title of this post stuck out at the moment, so I'm pondering it, along with other various occurances throughout the day.  I'd elaborate, but that would be sort of weird.  Y'all already know enough about my personal life.

 

Today is Wednesday.  I like Wednesdays.  They're nice and busy.  School was good.  Nate and I finished our project for Algebra.  We made a scatter plot showing the linear regression (I think that's what it's called) of the Democratic and Republican electoral votes based on the election years since 1844 or something.  It had very little correlation, but basically, the Republicans are sort of increasing in votes and the democrats are staying mostly the same, with a little decline.  That's what the line said anyway.  It was sort of a silly line, sitting there in the middle of a mass pile of pink and navy spots representing votes per year.  It made very little sense.  Much like this paragraph.

 

I think it's hilarious that people actually read my blog.  Why would anyone want to read about me?  I'm pretty strange and I don't make sense a lot of the time and I write about boring things like math and music and stuff.  I wouldn't read about me.  I would write about me, but I wouldn't read it.  Hey!  Maybe, since so many people like to read this, I should make a book of it someday and it'll be this uber famous best seller and everyone will like it.  Ha!  Not happening.  I would have to write about meaningful things more often.  Not that that would be a bad thing.  I like meaningful things, and I would like to write about them more.  I can go off on some pretty good tangents.  I wonder if people would pay to read my tangents.  Probably not.  Especailly since they can get them for free right now.

 

I'm IMing Em right now.  I like her. She's my favorite Emily ever.  There are some pretty cool Emily's, too.  Emily Jurgenbassface who's last name I don't remember, is pretty cool.  I can't think of any other Emily's right now.  So I guess those are my two favorite ones.

 

Leo's on the phone and I want to use it to call Kacy.  I want to know how baking is going. *laugh*

 

And now I should go get ready to leave for Lighthouse.

 

Sincerely,

Mara the butterfly

Listen to your heart pound, fade into the background...

I feel better now.  Sorry to leave you hanging.  Actually, I'm only a little bit sorry, because this is my blog, and because it's just a blog you're under no obligation to care.  But since you probably do I'm a little bit sorry.  But just a little bit.

 

I'm hungry.  If someone brought me food right now I would hug them.

 

My watch finally met it's doom last night while I was playing in the rain.  I don't think it's coming back this time.  I sort of miss it.  I didn't realize how much I use it.  I am obsessed with knowing what time it is.  I'm sort of OCD about it even.  Crazy stuff.

 

Today Andy has a football game and he's playing.  His hand is doing well enough that he gets to play the last two games.  I want to go really badly, so I'm going to see if I can get a ride with Harmsen's.  That would be awesome.

 

I.Am.So.Hungry.

 

Greg says he doesn't like me.  Normally, I'd be sad, but I don't really care.  We have a sort of love-hate relationship.  He agrees.

 

Alright.  I'm going to wait for the bell to ring, and then go find something to eat.

 

Sincerely,

Mara Tenille

And through the times I've faded and you've outlined me again...

Crappy morning.  I hope I feel better soon.

 

Mara

I'll bury my face, because my disgrace will leave me terrified...

I am so tired of being misunderstood.  I'm tired of people thinking they know what's going on.  I'm tired of being treated one way and talked about another.  I'm tired of hearing about the things people say.  I'm tired of people saying things they don't mean.  I'm tired of feeling like people don't care, and I'm tired of the way that others not caring makes caring for them well so hard.  I'm tired of losing friends to change and to time.  I'm tired of screwing up perfectly good relationships because I don't know how to be a good friend.  I'm tired of wanting to love people and not knowing how.  I'm tired of wanting to be loved and not knowing how to get it.  I'm tired of being different.  I'm tired of feeling like people have expectations that I'm a certain kind of person, and I'm tired of not meeting them.  I'm tired of how everyone is different than me.  I'm tired of not feeling like I fit in anywhere, and I'm tired of watching everyone else fit it.  I'm tired of how I can't even please myself, much less anyone else.

Sometimes I just wish I were like everyone else.  Inconspicuous.  Invisible.

Why don't you come right out and say it...

Today has been good so far.  School was shorter (there are good things about early out Wednesday, after all), my hair is shorter, the wait until I go play tennis is shorter, and stuff!  Yep.  I got a haircut today.  It's basically the same, but she trimmed a little less than an inch off the bottom, and cut my bangs, and trimmed the layers.  It looks a lot better.  I was pretty nervous about it, because I hadn't gone to that salon before, but it ended up being better than the other place I go.  More expensive, but better.  So yeah!  That was good.

I heart Relient K.

Paradise Lost is confusing my poor brain.  Too.Many.Words.  Not.Enough.Punctuation.  Argh.

I hope Lighthouse is good tonight.  I hope the food is good, too.  I hope tennis is fun.  I hope I don't suck at it.  I hope Abigail is cute.  Oh!  I should probably proclaim her birth to the whole world.

Yesterday at 3:2something, Abigail Faith Casciato was born.  She's Gabe and Wendy's baby.  I am so excited.  Our small group is going to see her tonight instead of doing bible study.  I bet she's adorable.  I wonder if she'll look like Gabe, since Grace looks like Wendy.  Hehehe.  I love babies.

I need to send the letter I wrote to Elise.  Don't let me forget.

I am so excited about pictures tomorrow.  You have no idea.  It will be so much fun.  I am all hyperexcitedbounceupanddown.  Yes. *clap*

Okay.  I should go be productive.

Mara Tenille
The butterfly child

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead...

I am so mad.  I wrote my creative writing assignment, and Word ate it.  Seriously.  That ticks me off.  It rocked, too.  *angst*

Tomorrow the band is coming and then Andrew and I are going to finish watching Hamlet.  I smell food.  I think I should follow it.  I like music a lot.  I also like that my senior pictures are being taken on Thursday.  That's awesome.  I need to fold laundry.  Yep.  I'm going to do that now.

Mara

Take a bow, this is the last dance, but you don't have to go...

I found Transistor Radio's album on Amazon.  I think that once I can earn the money I'm definitely going to buy it.  That's just how awesome I think it is.  I hope they get famous.

I am definitely getting senior pictures taken on Thursday. *giddy*

Tonight is the homecoming game.  I'm sort of excited, actually.  It's been more fun this year than last year for me.  I borrowed a shirt from Jessica so I could be all school-spirity.  I even wore blue eyeshadow and glittery stuff.  Not because I'm hardcore, just because it's fun.  Mom doesn't really like the bright eyeshadow thing, but I think it's sort of fun and highschoolish.  It's homecoming week, so I think she let it go more than she would normally. *laugh*

Facebook is sort of a fun website.  It really is.  It's not really like MySpace at all.  And some of the applications are actually cool.

I have to go now.  Have a lovely night, if you read this before nighttime happens.

Sincerely,
Mara

Patron saints, are we all lost like you?

I'm at school being slightly bored.  Greg, Jessica and I are trying to come up with awesome nicknames for ourselves, and we can't really think of anything.

 

Oh, I checked my score on the test yesterday.  I got an A, but I missed 4, and I really want to know which ones they were.  I guess I'll find out later, but right now it's annoying not knowing.

 

I forgot to tell Andrew that I'm eating lunch.  Andrew, if you read this, I'm eating lunch, so yeah.

 

Today, since it's Wacky Wednesday, I'm wearing a vast array of silly clothes.  It's sort of funny.  Rainboots, orange striped knee socks, black striped leggings, green athletic shorts, black t-shirt, orange tie-dye tank top, pink Mardi Gras beads, pink scarf, butterfly necklace, blue hat, green and pink butterfly wings, and blue and green eyeshadow.  Pretty crazy stuff.

 

I'm drowning out Daniel's dumb music with my awesome music.  It's working out pretty well.

 

I have nothing else to write about.  This concludes the blog post.

 

Mara Tenille, the butterfly child

The arrogant build kingdoms made of the different ones...

I haven't blogged in a long time.  That's sort of sad.

I am an official Sims addict.  That game is so hilarious.  I love it.  The only problem?  Olivia Bosch will not marry Jim Kleez.  I can't imagine why.  I mean, come on, he's got awesome hair!  Who wouldn't want to marry someone with awesome hair?

School has been good.  Tomorrow I have a Geometry test.  Proofs have been sort of fun, but sort of annoying, because I think about it differently than the answer book does so Mrs. Jack always has to look at them and tell me if they're right or not.  Which is sort of silly, because usually I know they're right, it's just that they're different.

Tomorrow is '-er' day at school for Homecoming Week.  I'm sort of conflicted as far as what to be.  I thought about being a poser and wearing a cheerleader outfit or some ubercheesy goth clothes.  I don't really have any though.  And no one except me would think that was funny.  Sophie's going as Darth Vader.  Daniel is going as Hitler (*stare*).  A couple kids are going as British Punk Rockers.  There are a few mothers and fathers floating around.  I really don't know.  Any ideas?


Sincerely,
Mara

Through the night we were waiting for a sign, maybe rendered in the darkened sky...

I got paid today. Getting paid rocks. I feel so rich. I'm so broke though. *laugh*

Walking Downtown by Copeland is one of my favorite songs ever. It's the first Copeland song I ever heard, and I loved it from the very first time I heard it, and since then I've loved it just the same, because it's great.

Dry your eyes
There are birds singing on lampposts
They don't know what all your crying's for

There are some random lyrics from the song for your reading pleasure.

School was fine today. Work was good. Got another 3 hours in. Punched out some wallets and put them in their little boxes, stuck some proofs in their albums, stuff like that. It's fun to look at other people's pictures. I like my job.

Tomorrow I think the band is going to practice, and then people are going to come over for a hott par-tay. Emily is covering a babysitting job for me, which is good, because making plans got really confusing because things were expected that I didn't know were expected. So yeah.

I'm tired, and hungry, and sleepy, and my feet hurt from wearing these massive shoes all day. [/whine]

Oh! I almost forgot that I had to make phone calls at work today. I hate talking on the phone to people I don't know. It was a stretch for me. *laugh* I guess I should get used to it, huh?

I wonder if the stars will be out tonight.

Mara the butterfly

Your eyes see what mine cannot see...

Last night I made a playlist on Windows Media that makes me really happy.  It's got some pretty awesome music on it.  Right now I'm listening to Simon by Lifehouse.  Before that I listened to a 38th Parallel song.  Before that it was Rumors by Waking Ashland, but I skipped that one.

School was good.  I had a good day.  I ate lunch there.  It was a baked potato, which was good, except for the cheese.  It was that kind of weird cheese that they give you with concession stand nachos.  Lots of people love that cheese, but I am not one of them.  I don't hate it, and I ate most of it, but it's not my first choice.  If there had been sour cream I would have been a happy camper.  Jessica was awesome (as always) and loaned me the money for lunch because I forgot to ask Mom for some, so I have to pay her back tomorrow.  Don't let me forget.

I babysat Grace right after school, which was fun.  I love that little girl.  She is adorable.  "Mara is at my house!  Come in, come in!  Let's play with the kitchen stuff!"

I'm almost caught up with Brit Lit.  This whole year is going to stress me out to death.  There is so much of it.  I don't know, it's a lot for me.  I'm a slow reader, and if I read too much I don't remember any of it, and fancy that, the entire thing is reading and comprehension type questions.  Tons of it.  Tons, I tell you.  Goodness gracious.

I'm off to read more stuff.

Mara Tenille Dickens
The Butterfly Child

When darkness turns to light it ends tonight...

My song lines aren't scary to me. I would have put the entire line of the last one, but it would have been really long, and I generally (but not always) try to avoid having really long ones. *shrug*

Work was good today. I did fun stuff. Like, I picked pictures that Rick is going to send in to a wedding magazine, and I put the photos in a wedding album thing. It was pretty neat. I thought so, at least.

The software for my mp3 player is working pretty nicely so far. I am still a big Windows Media fan, but this is pretty decent stuff I think. However, it's not uploading music to my mp3 player the way I'd like it to, and that's frustrating.

I am tired today. Yep. We all knew that was going to happen.

Today I performed for my Algebra II class. That was weird, but fun, but more weird than fun. Carrying a guitar around school is terribly inconvenient for everyone involved. It was sort of fun, but I don't recommend it. I had a yummy juice thing. That was nice. Ummmmmmm. I wrote out a pass! I've never needed a hall pass before. Yeah. So I guess my day was sort of random. It's been good so far though. Can't complain.

One of these minutes I need to take Sophie to karate and then go see Wendy. Yay!

Mara

Looking at you, holding my breath, for once in my life I'm scared to death...

I am up way, way later than I should be.  This is going to suck tomorrow. *laugh*

Tonight was small group and all the other Wednesday stuff.  It was good.  Right now I'm installing the software for my mp3 player, with hope that it will work correctly after I do.  We'll see.  Tomorrow I have to work at 1.  That will hopefully go well.  I can't imagine it won't, but you ever know I guess.  I'll probably practice filling out orders and answering the phone.  Those would be good things to practice.  I hope I can get everything done tomorrow.  School is intense.  There is not nearly enough time in the day to get everything that I want to done.  It's so crazy.  I really should have taken Sociology and Psychology this year at DMACC.  I really wish I'd thought of that last year.  I should sleep.  I need to sleep.  Yes.

Mara

I'll sing along the whole day through...

Today was sort of awkward. I have a cold or allergies or something, and I am all sore and sort of groggy, and that's lame, but it's really not so bad except that there are very few things I hate more than blowing my nose. I also had homework today that was really confusing for me, and that was frustrating. However, there were lots of fun things about today too. Like how I wore lime green eyeshadow even though one time a long time ago a certain person said they didn't like lime green eyeshadow. I thought it was fun and sort of hilarious for some reason. It gave my whole day a nice lime green tinge of happiness. And, I got to see most of the second half of a football game, which was supposed to be an entire football game, but apparently I was confused and thought it started an hour later than it really did. That was still fun, even if we missed most of it. Today it was officially decided that Josh and Andrew and I are practicing tomorrow. That's going to be fun and awesome, because it always is.

So, that was my day. I think the awkwardness of it was just because it had good things and it had bad things and there wasn't much in between, but I liked it. It was a good day.

Tomorrow I'm making dinner. Spaghetti and homemade breadsticks. I've never made breadsticks before, so we'll see how they end up. I hope they're tasty. That'll be sort of new and different and frightening and fun I guess. *shrug* I think I'm looking forward to it. That's a good thing. Yep.

I should probably go about finishing my Brit Lit now and then get my laundry done. It needs to get picked up off the floor so that walls can start getting built.

Sincerely,
Mara Tenille

I'm not faithless, just paranoid of getting lost or that I might lose...

So I Thought by Flyleaf is a good song. I like it a lot musically, lyrically I like to take it out of context and then like it, but it's still good in context, just less so, and I don't care about not making sense.

I ordered my ring last night. I'm excited. It could take a month to get here though, which is sad, but by then I'llhave forgotten about it and so it'll be like a surprise! That's always fun. I like surprises.

The youth band played for youth group worship tonight. It was awesome. I just sang, too, which was so much fun. It was probably the best on-stage worshi experience I've had in a long time. That was a blast. I loved it. I even danced! Hahaha. Yeah, I'm weird.

I totally have a cold or allergies or something. It's killing me.

Tomorrow is Monday. I'm not terribly fond of Mondays, but since you have to go through them to get to Tuesday, I'll live with it. Wouldn't it be weird if we could skip days? Sort of like in that movie that I never did see. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like that. I like all the days to happen. If they stopped I'd be sad, unless it meant I was dead, in which case I'd be doing my little wiggle finger dance with all the Angels and Jesus would be sitting there laughing at me, and it would be great. At least, that's how I imagined it would be just now. I bet Jesus laughs at my dorky dances. Everyone else does.

Wow. Am I seriously blogging about whether Jesus laughs when I dance? I'm weird.
*laugh*

Sincerely,
Mara the sleepy butterfly

The sky is falling and no one knows...

Iowa lost.  Not only did Iowa lose, but Iowa lost to Iowa State.  That's sad.

Well, despite the fact that we lost I still had a great time at the party.  It was awesome.  We had a ton of food, too.  I love food.

I dyed my hair again.  Now it's dark reddish brown.  It's never been this dark before.  So far people really like it though.  I like it.  I think it's a keeper.

I'm listening to Lifehouse.  I really like them.  I would really like to get their two newest CDs.  But!  I'm broke.  And there are a lot of CDs that I would like more than that.

Next weekend is the SMT retreat.  I'm really excited about that.  So are most of the girls.  I don't know what the boys think about it, but I think it'll be really awesome.  We're staying across from Jordan Creek Mall, so at some point we get shopping time, so all the girls are going to go try on dresses.  I like to shop, so that'll be fun for me at least. *laugh*  Kristin and I can shop, if no one else.  The teaching sounds really neat, too.  I'm really excited about that.  The whole thing should just be awesome.

Alright.  Places to go, people to see.  Later.

Mara Tenille

Until this empty place is filled, I'll keep pretending...

I really wish that the PacMan on my new phone was the full version.  But it isn't.  It's just a stupid demo.  That's so sad.  I love PacMan.  If I had a handheld PacMan that I could take anywhere my life would be complete.  Not really.  But it would be sort of cool.

Tonight is Lighthouse and small group.  I'm really excited.  I'm on Hot Seat tonight, which is cool, but I can't say I'm not a little nervous.  The group is bigger this year.  Eh, it'll be fine.  Small group will be awesome.  Today we're going to get our name for our Secret Sister thing we've got going on.  Basically what we're going to do is every month we'll get our secret person a little present.  Something inexpensive like a candy bar or some stickers or something.  Then, at Christmas and then again at the end of the school year we'll have a big party where we'll get them a real present.  I think it will be so much fun.  I'm excited!

I like Facebook, I think.  You know what I like even more?  FireFox with AdBlock Plus.  That is most of what makes Facebook cool.  The ability to not have ads.  Which is all due to the awesomeness of Firefox.  Everyone needs FireFox.

I really want to order my ring.  But I still don't know what to engrave on the inside.  *angst*

I like today a lot so far.

Sincerely,
Mara

Nice to meet you, I'm your other half...

I think Josh and Andrew and I are going to practice tomorrow for the acoustic show.  I'm excited!  I miss practicing and having shows and stuff.  So!  That'll be awesome.  I think, too, that Matt and Marisa and Kim and Corey are coming to our show on a double date.  That is not only adorable, but it means there will actually be people I know there.  That's like an added bonus.  Oh!  And I just found out that since the SMT retreat is that weekend, the SMT is going to come see us, too!  That rocks.  Seriously.  I'm a happy camper.

Yep.  I should go do homework now.

Mara Tenille

I just wasted ten seconds of your life...

Today school was sort of blah.  Not bad really, just boringishly normal.  Aced my test in Algebra.  Finished my baseball t-shirt in Dig Comm.  It's pretty cool now.  It was sort of ugly before.  I got a nasty stomachache during Dig Comm.  It's gone now though.  Tomorrow is our first Geometry test.  We'll see how that goes.  I never really memorized all the formulas for finding area and circumference and perimeter, and we need to know them, so I need to work on those.  Most of them are easy, so it won't be hard.

I would really like to have a bigger, nicer mp3 player.  I don't really need one, and there is no way I can afford one any time soon, but it would be nice.

The new Relient K CD is awesome.  I love it.

I think I'm going to do chores and school and then take a nap.  That sounds quite lovely.

Mara the Butterfly

PS) Kacy says I'm not a butterfly.  I think he's confused.  Or maybe I'm just silly.  Or both!