Would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this...

School was stupid today. Did fine on my Algebra quiz, sucked on my Geometry quiz, did absolutely nothing during Dig Comm, starting filling out my study guide for science and had absolutely no idea what they were talking about, had to do twice as much Brit Lit because the curriculum is on a 5-day schedule, and God forbid you miss a day, because then it takes two billion hours to read instead of just one billion due to the fact that you have to read twice as much and answer twice as many questions about the reading . Not to mention I can't retain any information I read, so then when I have to answer questions about it I don't even remember what they're talking about. Gosh, I feel like a complete idiot.

It is taking ages to rip this CD to my computer.

Well, on the bright side of things, my clothes that I need to pack are dry, The Sun and The Moon is on, my hair is still pink fuschia, I have a four pack of Jones Energy sitting around, and we leave for LifeLight tomorrow. Sure, it's Thursday night and still no one knows what we're going to eat the entire time, and still no one understands that we're trying to avoid going to food vendors, and still I have nothing packed, and still I have no money to pay for the food that I also don't have to eat for the next four days, and still we're missing all of the Friday night acts, but we're going.

*sigh*

It's not really that bad. I'm just in a crappy mood. I hate stress and feeling like an idiot. That's basically all. *shrug* No big deal.

I need to pack.

Mara Tenille

IamabutterflyIamabutterflyIamabutterflyIamabutterfly.

Jump in and go and we could drive for years, we could feel alive...

Today was sort of stupid. I have felt nasty and sickly all day, and everyone else is getting sick too, and my best friend is done with youth group, and stuff. I don't really remember. I had way more to whine about, too. I love this blog. It's the best venting machine ever. I write whatever I want. And I don't care that you're reading it right now. Ha!

I am exhausted. Not the sort of sleepy exhausted, just sort of that crabby, icky, I'm-done-now exhausted. For that reason, I'm going to go sleep now, because it's already far later than I wanted to be awake.

Goodnight!

Mara

Sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all...

...but then you assure me, I'm a little more than useless...
Relient K is awesome. I love them. It's the sort of music that I really identify with, but that isn't so serious that I cringe at myself as it exposes all my insecurities. That totally sounded way more profound than it really was.

Tonight was the Party Bowl. It was nice. I had a lovely time. I am, however, rather moody, so I feel bad now and I'm afraid that I was too disconnected and people were feeling weird about me or something. I don't know. Maybe I'm too self-conscious at all the wrong times. I did climb a tree. With some help. Hehe. Yes. It was a good party bowl.

Tomorrow is Prairie Fest. I'm going to the parade and then to the other exciting festivities and whatnot and then, at 2, I have to go be in the talent show. I'm nervous already. I really hope I don't do badly. I don't even have the song memorized. I feel like a slacker. Hahaha. Oh well, I hope it goes well, and that's really all I can do at this point.

There are some people I love very, very much. And there are others that, despite the fact that I love them, drive me crazy at times. Yeah. I need to learn not to dislike people so much. It's really sort of dumb, considering I'm just as idiotic and dumb as anyone else. *shrug*

Sleep sounds amazing right now.

Sincerely,
Mara Tenille, the butterfly princess

Don't suffocate day after day, it's building up...

This blog will be short, but basically, life is sort of odd and melodramatic and angsty a little bit, but it doesn't suck a whole lot, which is good, because when things suck they make me unhappy and then I get crabby and moody and no one has any fun. So yep.

Today was the first day of school. It was fine. I have an interesting combination of really annoying people and really cool people in my classes, so we'll see how it goes. Algebra will be fun, I think. Digital Communication might be really, really boring, but it could be good once the class actually starts doing something. Geometry will be the really dumb one. You know all the idiot freshmen from last year? Yeah, they're idiot sophomores now. And I get to sit with them for an hour. Every. Day. But it will maybe be okay I think? Heh. I'll work it out. We'll see.

I hate a lot of things right now. I love lots of things, but still. There are annoying things about life that I am not really fond of, and they are being idiotic right now, and that's dumb.

Sincerely,
Mara Tenille

Welcome to existence, everyone's here...

Something fishy is going on 'round these parts... :shifty:

Yeah. Hi. You know what I hate? When there isn't anyone you feel like you can go to. Like all your normal people you vent to are insufficient, and there's just not anyone. Like, you just want someone to whine at, but you can't for whatever reason. It's dumb. I hate it. But we already covered that.

Copeland is a good band. So's Anberlin. I'm going to see them in two weeks! I am really excited for LifeLight. I also want to see Stellar Kart and Project 86 and Leeland and some other bands that I forgot. Yessss. I'm happy.

Tomorrow we're going to the Science Center. I like that. The Science Center makes this homeschooled nerd a happy one. Hoorah.

I miss my notebooks. I should go write in them or something one of these days.

Mara Tenille

Things are gonna change for the better...

Ha! I said 'gonna' and that's not ever a real word! That makes me a loser, and I don't even care.

Gosh, I'm a bad liar. *laugh* I felt ugly all day today, and didn't tell anyone, because that feels wrong and I don't really need people to tell me oh-that's-not-true-you're-so-beautiful-blah-blah-blah, because half the time they don't really think you're beautiful, they just disagree when you say you're ugly and they want you to feel better, and I didn't want to feel better based on flattery, and whatever. So, I countered my acne and lack of makeup by wearing my glasses and some lime green running shorts and a grey t-shirt. It made it worse. I tried not to care. Let me tell you something, not caring can be a freaking lot of work sometimes. That said, I will find a better way to destroy my insecurities than just ignoring them, because that clearly didn't work. Sometimes I am a very silly girl.

Hooray for string cheese and wiping mayo off of people's cars and laughing when people mispronounce words and not knowing where the peanut butter and jelly are at Aldi and buying new t-shirts and some rockin' mechanical pencils (I used to hate those) and cute bug erasers and 10 notebooks for a dollar! Today was... weird. It's weirdness made me tired and worn out.

Mara

If you could see then you'd understand...

This is for Andrew. Happy birthday!

I am at a total loss for any words that I feel I could actually say. The ones I think of don't even come close. I'm supposed to be a writer, and yet you seem so hard to define. Why is that? Why can't I write about one of the things I am most certain of? How come I can't think of anything meaningful that even skims the surface of accuracy? Why is that?

Andrew is so different. Maybe that's why he's hard to write about. He's not like the average American 16 (!!!) year old guy, and anyone that knows him would have to agree with me. He notices the outsiders and welcomes them. He sees the lost and loves them with a zeal I would die to have. He is living proof that chivalry isn't dead. He has his moments, but at the same time he is the sort of person that inspires me to be better. Everyone is going to say I'm biased, and maybe it's true, but you would kill for a friend like Andrew.

Now, as I get closer and closer to not posting this on your birthday as I'd planned, I have only one thing to say. Thank you so much.

Sincerely,
Mara Tenille Dickens
The butterfly child