I'll bury my face, because my disgrace will leave me terrified...

I am so tired of being misunderstood.  I'm tired of people thinking they know what's going on.  I'm tired of being treated one way and talked about another.  I'm tired of hearing about the things people say.  I'm tired of people saying things they don't mean.  I'm tired of feeling like people don't care, and I'm tired of the way that others not caring makes caring for them well so hard.  I'm tired of losing friends to change and to time.  I'm tired of screwing up perfectly good relationships because I don't know how to be a good friend.  I'm tired of wanting to love people and not knowing how.  I'm tired of wanting to be loved and not knowing how to get it.  I'm tired of being different.  I'm tired of feeling like people have expectations that I'm a certain kind of person, and I'm tired of not meeting them.  I'm tired of how everyone is different than me.  I'm tired of not feeling like I fit in anywhere, and I'm tired of watching everyone else fit it.  I'm tired of how I can't even please myself, much less anyone else.

Sometimes I just wish I were like everyone else.  Inconspicuous.  Invisible.

Why don't you come right out and say it...

Today has been good so far.  School was shorter (there are good things about early out Wednesday, after all), my hair is shorter, the wait until I go play tennis is shorter, and stuff!  Yep.  I got a haircut today.  It's basically the same, but she trimmed a little less than an inch off the bottom, and cut my bangs, and trimmed the layers.  It looks a lot better.  I was pretty nervous about it, because I hadn't gone to that salon before, but it ended up being better than the other place I go.  More expensive, but better.  So yeah!  That was good.

I heart Relient K.

Paradise Lost is confusing my poor brain.  Too.Many.Words.  Not.Enough.Punctuation.  Argh.

I hope Lighthouse is good tonight.  I hope the food is good, too.  I hope tennis is fun.  I hope I don't suck at it.  I hope Abigail is cute.  Oh!  I should probably proclaim her birth to the whole world.

Yesterday at 3:2something, Abigail Faith Casciato was born.  She's Gabe and Wendy's baby.  I am so excited.  Our small group is going to see her tonight instead of doing bible study.  I bet she's adorable.  I wonder if she'll look like Gabe, since Grace looks like Wendy.  Hehehe.  I love babies.

I need to send the letter I wrote to Elise.  Don't let me forget.

I am so excited about pictures tomorrow.  You have no idea.  It will be so much fun.  I am all hyperexcitedbounceupanddown.  Yes. *clap*

Okay.  I should go be productive.

Mara Tenille
The butterfly child

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead...

I am so mad.  I wrote my creative writing assignment, and Word ate it.  Seriously.  That ticks me off.  It rocked, too.  *angst*

Tomorrow the band is coming and then Andrew and I are going to finish watching Hamlet.  I smell food.  I think I should follow it.  I like music a lot.  I also like that my senior pictures are being taken on Thursday.  That's awesome.  I need to fold laundry.  Yep.  I'm going to do that now.

Mara

Take a bow, this is the last dance, but you don't have to go...

I found Transistor Radio's album on Amazon.  I think that once I can earn the money I'm definitely going to buy it.  That's just how awesome I think it is.  I hope they get famous.

I am definitely getting senior pictures taken on Thursday. *giddy*

Tonight is the homecoming game.  I'm sort of excited, actually.  It's been more fun this year than last year for me.  I borrowed a shirt from Jessica so I could be all school-spirity.  I even wore blue eyeshadow and glittery stuff.  Not because I'm hardcore, just because it's fun.  Mom doesn't really like the bright eyeshadow thing, but I think it's sort of fun and highschoolish.  It's homecoming week, so I think she let it go more than she would normally. *laugh*

Facebook is sort of a fun website.  It really is.  It's not really like MySpace at all.  And some of the applications are actually cool.

I have to go now.  Have a lovely night, if you read this before nighttime happens.

Sincerely,
Mara

Patron saints, are we all lost like you?

I'm at school being slightly bored.  Greg, Jessica and I are trying to come up with awesome nicknames for ourselves, and we can't really think of anything.

 

Oh, I checked my score on the test yesterday.  I got an A, but I missed 4, and I really want to know which ones they were.  I guess I'll find out later, but right now it's annoying not knowing.

 

I forgot to tell Andrew that I'm eating lunch.  Andrew, if you read this, I'm eating lunch, so yeah.

 

Today, since it's Wacky Wednesday, I'm wearing a vast array of silly clothes.  It's sort of funny.  Rainboots, orange striped knee socks, black striped leggings, green athletic shorts, black t-shirt, orange tie-dye tank top, pink Mardi Gras beads, pink scarf, butterfly necklace, blue hat, green and pink butterfly wings, and blue and green eyeshadow.  Pretty crazy stuff.

 

I'm drowning out Daniel's dumb music with my awesome music.  It's working out pretty well.

 

I have nothing else to write about.  This concludes the blog post.

 

Mara Tenille, the butterfly child

The arrogant build kingdoms made of the different ones...

I haven't blogged in a long time.  That's sort of sad.

I am an official Sims addict.  That game is so hilarious.  I love it.  The only problem?  Olivia Bosch will not marry Jim Kleez.  I can't imagine why.  I mean, come on, he's got awesome hair!  Who wouldn't want to marry someone with awesome hair?

School has been good.  Tomorrow I have a Geometry test.  Proofs have been sort of fun, but sort of annoying, because I think about it differently than the answer book does so Mrs. Jack always has to look at them and tell me if they're right or not.  Which is sort of silly, because usually I know they're right, it's just that they're different.

Tomorrow is '-er' day at school for Homecoming Week.  I'm sort of conflicted as far as what to be.  I thought about being a poser and wearing a cheerleader outfit or some ubercheesy goth clothes.  I don't really have any though.  And no one except me would think that was funny.  Sophie's going as Darth Vader.  Daniel is going as Hitler (*stare*).  A couple kids are going as British Punk Rockers.  There are a few mothers and fathers floating around.  I really don't know.  Any ideas?


Sincerely,
Mara

Through the night we were waiting for a sign, maybe rendered in the darkened sky...

I got paid today. Getting paid rocks. I feel so rich. I'm so broke though. *laugh*

Walking Downtown by Copeland is one of my favorite songs ever. It's the first Copeland song I ever heard, and I loved it from the very first time I heard it, and since then I've loved it just the same, because it's great.

Dry your eyes
There are birds singing on lampposts
They don't know what all your crying's for

There are some random lyrics from the song for your reading pleasure.

School was fine today. Work was good. Got another 3 hours in. Punched out some wallets and put them in their little boxes, stuck some proofs in their albums, stuff like that. It's fun to look at other people's pictures. I like my job.

Tomorrow I think the band is going to practice, and then people are going to come over for a hott par-tay. Emily is covering a babysitting job for me, which is good, because making plans got really confusing because things were expected that I didn't know were expected. So yeah.

I'm tired, and hungry, and sleepy, and my feet hurt from wearing these massive shoes all day. [/whine]

Oh! I almost forgot that I had to make phone calls at work today. I hate talking on the phone to people I don't know. It was a stretch for me. *laugh* I guess I should get used to it, huh?

I wonder if the stars will be out tonight.

Mara the butterfly