Nice to meet you, I'm your other half...

I think Josh and Andrew and I are going to practice tomorrow for the acoustic show.  I'm excited!  I miss practicing and having shows and stuff.  So!  That'll be awesome.  I think, too, that Matt and Marisa and Kim and Corey are coming to our show on a double date.  That is not only adorable, but it means there will actually be people I know there.  That's like an added bonus.  Oh!  And I just found out that since the SMT retreat is that weekend, the SMT is going to come see us, too!  That rocks.  Seriously.  I'm a happy camper.

Yep.  I should go do homework now.

Mara Tenille

I just wasted ten seconds of your life...

Today school was sort of blah.  Not bad really, just boringishly normal.  Aced my test in Algebra.  Finished my baseball t-shirt in Dig Comm.  It's pretty cool now.  It was sort of ugly before.  I got a nasty stomachache during Dig Comm.  It's gone now though.  Tomorrow is our first Geometry test.  We'll see how that goes.  I never really memorized all the formulas for finding area and circumference and perimeter, and we need to know them, so I need to work on those.  Most of them are easy, so it won't be hard.

I would really like to have a bigger, nicer mp3 player.  I don't really need one, and there is no way I can afford one any time soon, but it would be nice.

The new Relient K CD is awesome.  I love it.

I think I'm going to do chores and school and then take a nap.  That sounds quite lovely.

Mara the Butterfly

PS) Kacy says I'm not a butterfly.  I think he's confused.  Or maybe I'm just silly.  Or both!

Why don't you come right out and say what I know you're thinking anyway...

Today was a pretty good day. I woke up, had twenty minutes to get ready and go practice with Andrew for special tomorrow, practiced, went to Ames to get pop for the youth room (that fridge is definitely very full), came back, dropped the pop off, left the church, borrowed a key to get back in to the church because Mom locked her purse in it, went home, watched half of Stick It, took Liz H. home, went to give Andy a get-well blizzard (that kid is going to be so spoiled by the time he's healed. It's a good thing everybody loves him so much.), picked Liz H. up, and went shopping in Des Moines. It was nice. I got some neat stuff.

I am really excited for my ring. I wish I had it right now. But I don't because I'm indecisive and I don't know what to engrave on the inside. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated. Seriously.

What should I wear to church tomorrow? Hmmm...

Mara Tenille

I built these walls, come get to me...

It's funny how sometimes you build walls around yourself automatically without even really noticing.  That's what happens most often for me.  I won't trust someone just by default, because I'm so used to blocking people out like that.  I do that all the time and it doesn't even occur to me until I'm actually looking for it.  I am not typically a very trusting person, and even of the few people I do trust more than I would normally, I really don't trust many of them, if any of them, completely.  Maybe that's a good thing, or maybe it's not.  I'm still figuring that out.  How much trust is too much?  How much is too little?  Who can I trust?  But that's somewhat beside the point I'm trying to get at.

So, I build walls of distrust and fear without even thinking about it most of the time.  But recently it's been really weird.  I can feel myself building walls.  I can feel myself wondering if I should trust a person or not.  I can feel myself developing this fear that someone will hurt me or abandon me or decide I'm not worth it anymore.  I can feel it happening.  I've never had that happen before.  Where I can tell I'm doing that.  Before, it's always just sort of happened.  But this is so bizarre.  It scares me.  I don't want to be afraid, I don't like fear.  I don't want to be afraid of people.  It makes them so hard to love the way I want to love, because I'm so afraid of that love being wasted.  Love takes too much away for it not to be returned.

So I have to stop.  And that's hard.  It's hard not to be afraid.  I'm scared of so many things, really.  Spiders.  Drowning.  Falling.  So what do you do?  Live on?  Give up?  Get over it?

Everyone needs to pray for Andy.  He's in surgury right now, actually, for his hand.  He broke it last night playing football and he'll be out the rest of the season, which really, really sucks.  I'm leaving for the hospital right now.  Thanks!


Sincerely,
Mara Tenille
The Butterfly Child

I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before...

I DON'T TELL ALL OF THE MOTHER DAUGHTER INSIDE JOKES, I JUST TOLD THAT ONE STORY BECAUSE IT WAS SO HILARIOUS!!!

Today I get my phone.  Iamsoexcited. *giggle*

I got a Geometry quiz back today.  100%.  I am really happy about that.  Especially considering I got like, a C+ on the last one, which is lame, and not good enough.

I now declare this email thing awesome.

Does anyone have any ideas for songs to add to my playlist that is on here?  I'm running out of ideas.

Today is a good day.  I like it.

Mara Tenille

I know you'd save me from a thousand fears...

So!  I'm testing out this spiffy email blogger thing.  Basically, I can email this super secret email address and then BOOM!  It magically will be a blog post.  It will work better this way, I think, because Blogger has been finicky for me.  So yep!  Hopefully it will work.

Our computer has been really slow lately.  It's stupid.  At least it isn't like dial-up, but you know, still.  It's annoying.  When you get used to things working well, it's not exactly pleasant when they start to be dumb. *shrug*

I am excited because tomorrow I'm getting a new cellphone.  It's going to have an insanely small amount of minutes (me, Mom, and Sophie are sharing 550 minutes.  That's three hours per month per person.), but weekends and nights are free, so that'll be great.  I'm not totally sure what kind of phone it's going to be because Dad wasn't sure if it was going to be an M300 or a RAZR, but they're both cute phones.  And I called a red one.  Hehehe.

I am also excited (it's been sort of an exciting day) because I picked a purity ring and it's awesome because I can have the inside engraved.  I don't know what to put on it though.  But!  It's a cute ring.  I like it.

Another exciting thing: me and Andrew's prize money from Prairie Fest came!  So I get to hand Andrew a $50 bill and grin and be a happy person.  There isn't really anything left of my $50, but that's alright, because I spent it pretty well.

I need to get baking.  I'm making cookies for small group tonight!

Sincerely,
Mara the Butterfly

All I've got to say is I must have done something right...

Goodness, life has been crazy. I like it though. Yes. It can stick around.

LifeLight was amazing. I wish I hadn't gotten so tired and worn out. I probably came off as a jerk a lot more than I had intended. I also probably intended to come off as a jerk when I shouldn't have. Because really, you never should come off as a jerk. All the same, LifeLight rocked, everyone got along well in my opinion, TobyMac and Tait played Jesus Freak together and were amazing, Anberlin is still the best ever, and I bought some awesome t-shirts, two of which are somewhat politiocally incorrect which makes me happier than it probably should, and I most likely won't wear the more politically incorrect of the two because it is so out there, but it will sit in my drawer and I will grin at it. Here! I'll find a picture of it.

Here's the one I probably won't wear much:












Annnnd here's the one that I got for free that is hugely large and needs to be modified, but that I will most likely wear:












And here's the rockin' Anberlin shirt that I got for cheap because it was the display one and had pinholes in it:











Aren't they awesome? They make me so happy. *grin*

I should probably go do Algebra before I sleep off these leftover concert fumes.

Sincerely,
Mara the politically incorrect butterfly